


Where My Heart Belongs

by zeon_avalanthe



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-15 07:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10552574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeon_avalanthe/pseuds/zeon_avalanthe
Summary: Behind the perfectness of life every people dreamt of, lies imperfectness within him.. Rushing with time, battling with invisible enemies, he felt that life had never been fair.. Through one fateful meeting, he began to learn how to cherish life and those around you, because you can never know when to say goodbye.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Imported from my LJ account. Unbeta-ed.

A young man in his late teen walked down the silent place with a bouquet of flowers on his hands. He looked around carefully, before his eyes fell on one certain spot and he fastened his pace. He stared at it for a moment, as his lips formed a sad smile.  
  
“Hisashiburi.” He spoke quietly, before squatting down and place the bouquet in front of the black stone in front of him. “If I remember it correctly, the last time I came here was at your birthday. So it’d been, four months ?”  
  
His hand slowly reached the edge of the black stone and caressed it gently.  
  
“I’m sorry that I can’t come that often, especially from now on. Dad sent me to America to undergo further therapy while having me to enroll to a college there. That’s why, I can only come and visit you when I’m home. And since I can only come home when the college is on a break, I must say that it won’t be that often.”  
  
He chuckled to himself before pulling the scarf around his neck tighter.  
  
“But worry not. I will never forget you no matter where I am. Not when a part of you is beating inside me.” He placed his gloved hands in front of his chest, feeling the beat of his heart. “I also will never forget our promise. I will live my life every single second remembering that promise.”  
  
He felt something wet hit his face, but he chose to ignore it as he kept his eyes on the name being engraved at the black stone.  
  
“So you rest assured. I will be fine.”  
  
He felt more wet stuffs hitting his face, and only then realized that it’s snowing. He smiled. A warm and sincere one. He closed his eyes and just let the snow came to him. That is, until someone placed a huge umbrella above his head.  
  
“You’re being reckless.” Came an annoyed voice from his side.  
  
He just shook his head as he finally stood from his position.  
  
“I just wanted to enjoy the snow. Please don’t be such a kill-joy.” He pouted as he let the newcomer dusted off his coat and hair from the remaining snow.  
  
“I’m not. I’m just making sure that you’re not doing anything stupid.” The newcomer commented dryly.  
  
“Mou.” He pouted harder before turning back to face the black stone. And in an instant, his face softened. “I’m leaving. I promise that I will be back for your birthday.”  
  
From the corner of his eyes, he caught the newcomer made a small smile at his words, so he couldn’t helped but smiling as well as he turned back at him.  
  
“Let’s go, Ryosuke.” The other guy offered his hand, which he accepted gladly.  
  
“Un. Let’s go.”  
  
He turned around to stare at the black stone one more time.  
  
“Merry Christmas.”  
  
***One year and seven months ago***  
  
The young man walked aimlessly around the town, though eyes and ears at alert just in case he saw or heard someone familiar. He can’t afford of being caught now. Not when he’s finally out, tasting the air of freedom.  
  
The young man’s name is Yamada Ryosuke. And he’s the son of the owner of Yamada Corp, Japan’s most prestigious corporation. But he’s not like everyone thought he would be. He’s not happy at the very least –if anything, he’s lonely. His parents are rarely home, and he has no siblings nor friends to talk his days out. It’s not that his parents didn’t care at him. In fact, they’re quite a worry-wart parents. They will call him every other days, asking him about his conditions and all. But that’s not what Ryosuke needs. He wanted them to be there for him, physically. It’s their presence he needs, not only their voices or faces. He was getting tired of being left behind, caged inside the huge mansion they called home.  
  
That’s why, today he ran away.  
  
He kept on walking when suddenly, he felt his chest hurting. Wincing in pain, Ryosuke clutched the front of his shirt while cursing at his stupidity to forget his medicines back home along with his phone and wallet. Now he has to bear with the pain as he pushed himself to keep on walking, all along praying that the pain will leave by itself.  
  
Actually, there is a reason of why Ryosuke being confined inside the huge mansion without being allowed to go out by himself. The truth is, he has a weak heart since birth. And to mingle himself in the town where polution is all over the places, is not a very recommended act to do. But Ryosuke was bored, and on top of it, angry, that no one was home with him. Especially today...  
  
Ryosuke gasped, and found breathing had became a quite challenging task to do. He used his free hand to support his body to the wall as he kept on walking. His sights are getting blurry and he knew that it won’t be long before he passed out. And just as the thought crossed his mind, Ryosuke felt his legs could no longer support his body as he slumped down on the ground. He leaned back on the wall and tried to keep on breathing. He started to think that he might die this time, and so he smiled bitterly.  
  
‘Just great. And to think that today is my birthday too...’ He thought as he closed his eyes out of exhaustion.  
  
His consciousness is growing thinner, but somehow he suddenly felt warm hands around him. But before he could register of who it could be, his world blackened completely.  
  
***  
  
The next time Ryosuke opened his eyes, the first thought which crossed his mind was that he’s not dead yet. Apparently, he didn’t said that inside his mind only as someone suddenly replied him.  
  
“Of course not. I saved you, that’s why.”  
  
Ryosuke jerked before he turned his face toward the speaker with slight difficulty, and found a rather tall young man smiling at him.  
  
“Who are you ?” He asked dumbly.  
  
“My name is Nakajima Yuto. I’m just a normal university student who was on his way home when I found you collapsing on the street. I quickly ran to you when I found you heaving, so I called an ambulance and here we are.” He chirped lightly, answering Ryosuke’s question along with the unsaid one.  
  
“Oh.” Ryosuke commented shortly. “Thank you then.”  
  
Ryosuke didn’t know why, but for a reason, he felt somehow attached to this Nakajima guy. Maybe it’s his guts, or maybe it was because they met at his birthday, but he found himself interested in this guy more. He started to invited Nakajima to his house once and from then on, it had became a regular schedule for the two of them. Ryosuke found that the taller boy is a very kind and caring person. Even knowing who he is and about his health condition, he didn’t treat him differently and see him as himself as a person. Their relationship kept getting closer and closer that they began calling each other nicknames already.  
  
“Say, Yuto-kun, what do you want on your birthday ?” He asked one afternoon, as the two of them sat leisurely at Ryosuke’d backyard, watching his pet dogs running here and there happily.  
  
“Eh ? Why ?” Yuto yawned as he leaned back on his chair.  
  
“Why, you say. Of course so I could prepare everything for you !” Ryosuke rolled his eyes, telling the taller guy in a matter-of-factly tone.  
  
Yuto chuckled as he shook his head slowly. “You don’t have to prepare anything for me, you know. Why would you go this far just for someone you knew not too long ago anyway ?”  
  
At this, Ryosuke’s face saddened. “Because you’re the very first friend I ever had.” He answered softly. “That’s why I wanted to do everything I can for you.”  
  
“Yama-chan-“ The tall boy sighed. “I understand your feelings, I really do. But you don’t have to do anything for me, really. If anything, I just wanted you to be happy and healthy. That’s all.”  
  
Ryosuke blushed at the affectionate look Yuto is sending him.  
  
“I’m sorry for being pushy then.” He lowered down his head, unable to look at Yuto in the eyes.  
  
“Silly Yama-chan.” Yuto placed a hand on top of his hair before ruffling his hair gently. “We’re friends, right ? Why are you apologizing ?”  
  
Ryosuke looked up and saw Yuto flashing him a bright grin, and unconsciously, he began to smile as well.  
  
“Un !” He said excitedly before returning his gaze to his still running pet dogs.  
  
One thing he learnt ever since his first meeting with Yuto: Life is a lot brighter when you have a friend on your side.  
  
***  
  
Ryosuke thought that his life is gradually getting better that he began to forget about his worries and issues. But one day, everything just suddenly went wrong.  
  
Ryosuke stood by the lamp post, rubbing his gloved hands to somehow warmed himself up. It’s Christmas and he had made an appointment with Yuto to meet there. It was his request for them to meet here. His parents were against the idea at first, but he had begged them and went as far as getting into his knees before they finally gave up and gave him the permition to go out. It was tough to persuade them, but it was worth it, since that would mean he could watch the snow together with him, and also give him the gift he had prepared. It’s a pair of brand new drumsticks for he knew about Yuto’s hobby in music.  
  
“Yama-chan !”  
  
Ryosuke quickly looked up and grinned at seeing Yuto’s figure half-running to him.  
  
“Yuto-kun~” He greeted the boy back as soon as he had stopped running.  
  
“You could’ve waited somewhere warmer. Now look at your face. It’s as pale as ice and your lips are turning blue already.” Yuto shook his head as he took off his scarf and circling it around Ryosuke’s neck.  
  
“But I wanted to wait for Yuto-kun here.” Ryosuke pouted childishly, and the taller boy could only sighed in defeat.  
  
“Alright, alright. Let’s go to that Cafe and warmed yourself up for now.” Yuto pointed to the said Cafe before leading him to start walking.  
  
Ryosuke just nodded weakly, as he followed slowly behind Yuto. The taller boy had seemingly realized this, as he turned back and stared at him concernedly.  
  
“Yama-chan ? Are you alright ?”  
  
Ryosuke nodded, though he actually felt a little sluggish already.  
  
“I’m fine, Yuto-ku...” But before he could finished his sentence, he felt his body falling, and a pair of warm hands caught him.  
  
“Yama-chan ! Oi, Yama-chan !” He could hear Yuto calling his name, but he was too busy trying to gulped down some air that he ignored Yuto’s calls.  
  
The next thing he knew, was that he was lying on a hospital bed with an oxygen mask around his face and an IV drip pierced into his left hand. He saw Yuto held his right hand tight as the two of them heard the doctor’s diagnosis.  
  
The doctor told him that his heart is almost at it’s limit, and if he doesn’t find a donor soon, then he won’t live for long. Six months at most, said his doctor. And knowing that this was no one’s fault, Ryosuke could only resigned to his fate, while wishing that miracles do exist.  
  
***  
  
It was one afternoon when Ryosuke was having his afternoon nap on his not-so-comfortable hospital bed when Yuto came to visit. It’d been months since he started his life as the hospital’s semi-permanent resident. The doctor advised him to stay at the hospital for easier monitoring and all.  
  
"Hi, Yama-chan." Came the familiar nickname from the guest.  
  
"Yuto-kun." He called out. "What's the matter ?"  
  
"Can't I just visit you without any other intention ?" The boy put an offended face, which was answered with a pout from Ryosuke. Yuto just laughed at seeing his reaction before he speak again. “Really, I’m just here to visit you.”  
  
The two of them fell into a comfortable silent as they enjoyed themselves looking at the scenery outside the window.  
  
“Promise me, Yama-chan, that you will really get better. That you will live long. And happy.” Yuto suddenly spoke, his voice almost begging.  
  
“I-“ Ryosuke hesitated. “Yuto-kun, you know I can’t-“  
  
“Please.” Yuto whispered ever so softly, that Ryosuke has to strained his ears to hear him. “Please promise me.” He saw how Yuto’s shoulder shook, and a choked sobs coming from his direction.  
  
Ryosuke felt like crying himself at seeing Yuto like this, but he was taught not to make promises he could not keep. That’s why, he could only pulled Yuto to his chest and rub his back soothingly, trying to somehow calm the taller boy down. But deep inside him, Ryosuke only tried to console his own self by doing so, while praying to God that miracles will come somehow.  
  
But fate had said otherwise as Ryosuke felt himself getting weaker and weaker each day. And now, he can no longer stand by himself. But Ryosuke wasn’t feeling lonely at all, since Yuto never failed to visit him everyday without a miss. But for a reason, today he’s not showing up anywhere. So it got Ryosuke wondered.  
  
Ryosuke sighed. Without Yuto’s company, his stay in the hospital felt boring and extremely long. He tried to entertain himself by reading a manga, a reading Yuto recommended. Around an hour later, Ryosuke heard his room’s door being opened and with that, came his doctor, followed closely by his parents.  
  
“Father, Mother.” He called out in surprise, not expecting them to be here since it was only yesterday that they flied to Hokkaido for yet another business meeting. “Why are you here ?”  
  
The respond he’s receiving is not something he expected. His mother suddenly ran and hug him tight, and his father gave his head an affectionate pat. Both looking ecstatic. But when he turned at his doctor, he saw him giving him a somewhat happy yet sympathetic smile.  
  
“What’s wrong ?” He asked in confusion.  
  
“Ryosuke, you have a donor !” His mother exclaimed happily, and Ryosuke could only widened his eyes in surprise.  
  
‘Is this, miracle ?’  
  
Ryosuke tried to call Yuto and tell him this good news, but for a reason he can’t reach him at all. And even the next day after that, his birthday, which is also the day when he will be undergoing the transplant operation. He was sulking a bit because Yuto doesn’t wish him a happy birthday, and on top of it, because he wouldn’t answered his calls. But soon it replaced with worry, as thoughts of Yuto in danger flashed in his mind. But Ryosuke tried to shrug it off and think positively that Yuto might be too busy to answer his call now.  
  
He sighed at that. “Guess I just have to tell him after the operation.”  
  
After a few hours lying in an operating table, and another few hours sleeping until the effect of the drug wore off, Ryosuke finally opened his eyes, feeling slightly sore around his chest area. His mother’s face was the first thing he saw, and he could see her crying in happiness at seeing him awake. He heard his father’s voice calling the doctor, before a few seconds later, the said doctor came and check on him.  
  
“It seems that everything is alright. We will keep you here for about a week or so to monitor you, and if there’s no complication, you will be able to go home. But make sure to do a check-up twice a week, okay ? We still have to monitor you and your new heart’s function until the next few months, after all.” His doctor lectured him. So much for having a new heart, Ryosuke thought.  
  
“Thank you, Sensei.” His father nodded his head gratefully, followed closely by his mother and the doctor just nodded his head.  
  
“Ne, did Yuto-kun came by to visit me while I was out ?” Ryosuke asked, feeling edgy to see his friend as soon as possible.  
  
“Yuto-kun ?” His mother frowned.  
  
“Yeah. It’s a friend I always told you.” Ryosuke told his mother. No wonder, since his parents were always away, they never had the chance to meet the young man even once.  
  
“Could it be, that he’s Nakajima Yuto-kun ?” This time, it was his father’s turn to ask.  
  
“Yeah.” Ryosuke frowned. “Did you know him, Father ?”  
  
“No, but-“ His father suddenly hesitated, which is unusual since his father is usually a straight-forward person.  
  
“But ?” Ryosuke urged him to continue.  
  
“This Nakajima Yuto, he got into an accident yesterday and passed away.” His father finally told him, his voice somewhat sad.  
  
Ryosuke widened his eyes in surprise. It can’t be. Right ? His father must have been joking. Right ? Yuto-kun can’t be dead. Right ?  
  
“In fact, the heart that you received, it was from him. It seemed that he had signed the paper which stated that he’s willing to donor his functioned organs if he died.” His father finished his story, but Ryosuke still could not believe him.  
  
“Your father was right, Yamada-kun.” This time, it was the doctor’s turn to talk. “When he signed the paper, he specifically told me that he wanted to give his heart to you if he were to die before you. But I don’t think he meant to purposely die just for you. I think, it’s more like an instinct.”  
  
Ryosuke shook his head, unable to believe what his father and doctor told him. He could feel tears accumulating on his eyes, and he let them flow down his face as he kept on denying the truth. He just can’t believe it. That Yuto-kun has died. His Yuto-kun. And that now the heart which is beating inside him is actually Yuto-kun’s. He just can’t accept it all. Knowing that the person he rendered precious, he felt that it was better off that he just died.  
  
***  
  
It’d been five days since he received his new heart, and six days since Yuto died. And Ryosuke still sat there in silence. Refusing to eat, to drink, or even to talk. He knew that he made everyone worried, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. A precious person of him just died, and everyone should understand how he feels.  
  
“Ryosuke, dear.” Ryosuke could hear his mother’s voice came but he ignored it. He chose to stare at nothing outside the window instead.  
  
“Honey, I know that this is hard for you. I understand how you feel, I really do. And you are allowed to mourn over him for a while. After all, he’s a very important person for you, is he not ?”  
  
Ryosuke was surprised to hear those words coming from his mother’s mouth so he turned to look at his mother. The woman smiled warmly at him, her soft hand reaching out at him and brushed his bangs behind his ears gently. In her eyes, he could see deep love and affection, which he only realized being directed at him.  
  
“But you can’t mourn forever.” His mother goes on. “You will have to continue your life. To live to the fullest. For Yuto-kun’s sake as well. Or do you want to waste his gift for you by being in despair for the rest of your life ? Do you think that Yuto-kun will appreciate it that you make no use of the heart which he gave to you ?”  
  
Ryosuke bit his lower lips as he felt tears unconsciously started to fall from his eyes. He looked down and shook his head weakly.  
  
“No, right ?” His mother put her hand on top of his head and caressed it softly. “Mom is sure that Yuto-kun wanted you to move on. So that he won’t regret ever giving you his heart.”  
  
“B-but, I f-feel like a b-bad person. T-taking what’s h-his so that I c-could live.” Ryosuke stuttered in between his sobs.  
  
“You told me once that Yuto-kun is a very kind and caring person, right ?” Ryosuke nodded at that. “Then I believe he won’t blame you for this. It was an accident. And it was unfortunate that Yuto-kun could not make it. But thanks to him, many people could live for what he gave them. Including you. And I think Yuto-kun will be happy knowing that he could help you and many other people. Don’t you agree ?”  
  
Ryosuke just nodded, but his tears just kept on falling. And when his mother pulled him into her warm embrace, Ryosuke felt every walls inside him broke and he cried his hearts out there.  
  
***  
  
Ryosuke followed his mother closely as the two of them entered the house where the memorial service for Yuto is being held. He insisted that he wanted to come here, and after a few persuading, they allowed him as long as someone is accompanying him. He saw many people came to send their prayers and bid the young man goodbye. And somehow, it touched him. He felt a tug in his heart, and thought that maybe Yuto felt the same.  
  
The two of them were being guided to a seat near the window and they sat silently there, listening to people who told their stories about them and Yuto. And then suddenly, Ryosuke felt someone stood by his side.  
  
“Are you Yamada Ryosuke-kun ?” A young man who seemed around his age asked. Ryosuke watched the pretty muscular figure before nodding his head.  
  
“My name is Okamoto Keito. I’m Yuto’s cousin.” The young man introduced himself before he seated himself on an empty chair next to Ryosuke. “I was very close with Yuto when we were a child. But since a year ago, I was accepted at a university in America and went to study there. It was a surprise to hear that Yuto had died from an accident. The usually bouncy and active Yuto now is sleeping peacefully forever.”  
  
Ryosuke said nothing as he lowered his head and bit his lip.  
  
“Yuto told me about you, you know.” Keito suddenly said, and Ryosuke felt his body tensed. “Since the first time he met you, about how he saw an angel collapsing on the ground. Or how he finally made friend with that angel. And about every other little things about that certain angel. He just won’t stop talking about you. I teased him once that he might have fallen for that fallen angel, and he blushed furiously but denied nothing.”  
  
Ryosuke could feel his own cheeks reddening, as he hear his mother made a small giggle from his side.  
  
“He also told me about your sickness too. He was pretty much depressed after that Christmas, you know. He kept telling me how much he wished he could trade place with you to relieve you from all the pains and everything. On how much it pained him everytime he looked at your weakened figure. And eventually, he told me about signing up the donor paper. He told me that he wanted to be with you until forever, but if by chance he’d died before you, then he wanted to be the one to save you.”  
  
Ryosuke blinked, before raising his finger to wipe the stubborn tears which fell from his eyes.  
  
“He took a test behind your back once, to see if his heart matched yours. And the result said positive, that’s why he quickly signed the donor paper without a second thought.” Keito smiled sadly. “But don’t take it wrong. Yuto did not die on purpose just to save you. He’s not that weak. It was truly an accident, and in a way, I guess God listened to his prayers to save your life, even at the cost of his own.”  
  
At this, Ryosuke could no longer hold his tears as he let himself cry.  
  
“Yamada-kun, would you like to say some words ?” Keito offered, a gentle smile on his face.  
  
And despite his tears, Ryosuke nodded. He felt his mother gave him an encouraging look as he wiped his tears before standing up and follow Keito to the podium. He stood behind the microphone and heard people clapping their hands. He took a deep breath before he began his little story.  
  
“My name is Yamada Ryosuke. And Yuto-kun is an important friend to me.” He started off. “I remembered our first meeting. One year, and six days ago. It was my birthday, and now that I thought back about it, I think Yuto-kun was a gift God sent to me, to keep me company.”  
  
Ryosuke smiled as he reminiscing the times he spent with Yuto as he told everyone their story. Words by words, things just kept on piling out. It’s as if that their journey is neverending.  
  
“A few days ago, at my twentieth birthday, I underwent a transplant operation for my weak heart, and it went smoothly. And for the very first time in my twenty years life, I am finally a healthy man. I was overjoyed with happiness. But my happiness suddenly turned into a nightmare when I heard about Yuto-kun’s death. And about that it was his very own heart that I received here, beating regularly against my chest.”  
  
Ryosuke placed his hands in front of his chest, and he smiled.  
  
“I was feeling guilty at first, thinking that I’ve been a bad person who took my bestfriend’s organ so I could live selfishly while he couldn’t. But then my mother reminded me an absolute fact that I’ve forgotten. That this is Yuto-kun we are talking about. The kind and gentle Yuto-kun everyone loved. It would be rude of me if I were to wasted his gift for me if I kept on mourning like that. So I decided to move forward and live on, for Yuto-kun’s sake as well. He had given me a life for my birthday, and I swear that I will protect it with all my body and soul.”  
  
He closed his eyes, feeling another round of tears found their way out of his eyes.  
  
“Thank you, Yuto-kun. For the most beautiful gift I could ever get. I will never forget you. I promised you that I will live long, and happy. For you. And this is one promise that I swear I will keep. That’s why, please be at ease and rest peacefully wherever you are.”  
  
***Present Time***  
  
“When are you returning to America ?”  
  
Ryosuke shrugged. “The new term is starting next week, right ? I guess I’ll be going by Friday.” He said nonchalantly. “How about you, Keito ?”  
  
“Hmm ? Same with you.” The older boy answered calmly.  
  
“Eh ? Are you trying to copy me ?” Ryosuke stared at him with wide eyes.  
  
“I’m just making sure that you’re not doing anything stupid, remember ?” The older boy winked at him, and Ryosuke just pouted.  
  
“I won’t !” He protested.  
  
“Well, four eyes are always better than two, no ?” Keito smiled at him, and Ryosuke pouted harder.  
  
The older boy laughed as he walked away.  
  
“It’s not only you who made a promise with Yuto, you know.” Keito said at last.  
  
“Huh ?” Ryosuke frowned.  
  
“I also made a promise with him. That if anything should happen to him, then I will be the one who took his place and watch over you. You know, to keep you company.” Keito shrugged, his eyes staring at the snowy sky.  
  
“Eh ? So you’re telling me that you’re staying by my side just because of Yuto ?” Ryosuke whined childishly.  
  
“Yeah.” Keito replied calmly. “But half through it, I guess I just got used with your company by myself. Why ?”  
  
Ryosuke giggled as he shook his head. “Nothing. I’m just glad.”  
  
Keito smiled before he took Ryosuke’s hand in his and they walked hand in hand away from the cemetery.  
  
“Me too.”


End file.
